So my weight has been on and off. up and down since I started this thing. I lost 10 more lbs, and then gained it back when Dave came home for r&r. I think I have made this weight lose thing harder than it really is. I have started working out regularly again last week, and then wouldn't you know, I have a sore back and summer cold. I need to let go of whatever is sabbotaging me. What thought or energy is hindering my ability to drop the flab.
Oh I can say it's hard to have a husband deployed. No it's not. Not in this day and age. I can text talk him everyday and see him on skype whenever I want. There are many advantages to being without a husband. I don't have anyone nagging me to buy chips and soda. I can eat my vegetarian meals without someone complianing they need read meat. I have control of the tv. I can workout whenever I want.

I was able to quit smoking cold turkey and they say that it's the hardest addiction to quit. NO SIR! it's sugar. Maybe I am using junk food to compensate for not smoking. Sure I want to a cigarette every now and then. Then I think of the smell, the coughing,and the fact I work in the health industry. I even had the realization, that I never let Wyatt play outside when I smoked I didn't want him around it,if that was the case, i was I around it. So I quit. Eating sugary, fatty foods is easily justifiable. Running erands with a hungry boy, PMS, I did a good job today I deserve a treat. There isn't a cough or a bad smell. I have since paid attention to how I feel when I eat. When it's healthy and what my body needs everything is happy. When it's fatty and/or caked in sugar I feel sluggish and heavy. I plan to hold on to that from this day on.

I have recently joined beachbody.com and have decided to use them to help me lose this on my own. I love the workouts and there are so many inspiring stories of people who have lost hundreds of pounds. I met someone on facebook who lost 150 lbs in a year. I am sure I can lose 60 lbs in a few months. Now I have meal plans and discounts on the all the stuff they sell. No more excuses.

I just have to let go of whatever it is that is stopping me. I write the healthy stuff down on a To Do list like workout and healthy food suggestions and stick it on the fridge. However, when the time comes to workout I have an excuse, such as now with the sickness and my sore back. Or I am too tired. I will not listen to myself. I will listen to my To Do list. I will have to workout at night when my congestion isn't as bad, and set up weekly massage trades to help combate the body soreness from working out.

This fat is going down!!

Holy shit. Too long.

Ok so I have been going back and forth with my workouts lately. And eating habits. I recently found out that my husband is leaving for Iraq. At first my diet went out the window and ended up at the ice cream store. Then I just wasn't hungry. I ate but it was easier to pick the right food becuase I wasn't ravenous. Then I started working out 2 times a day. It worked great I am now 20 lbs lighter. Wow. So excited.

Random weight check

I have decided not to live by the scale. You know Not check my weight everyday or every week. I have decided to step on scale whenever I am feeling good. See as long as I know that I am eating healthy and exersizing,somehow,everyday I know I am on the right track. I feel great. I feel skinny that's all that matters to me. So every once in a while i will check and see if my weight is matching my feelings.

Today I checked my weight. 11 lbs. lighter. That is one pound lighter than what I usually lose and gain back. The difference is the food and the way I eat are different so I know I will keep this weight off. I am soo excited.

Lately

I took a Bikram Yoga class. It was extremely difficult. I was good for the first half then I started actually looking at my body in the mirror, judging myself, hating my body. Then the heat started to set in, and the difficulty if the poses started getting to me. Then I had to lie down. I would get up see my shape in the mirror get dizzy and lie down for the rest of the time. I left feeling dizzy and nauseas and ended up puking outside my car when I got home. Today I feel great. I really want to do Bikram again.

I recently logged on to one of these calorie counting web sites. they made me give my age hieght and weight, then told me I was obese. I got even more disgusted at myself. It was a big motivator to get up and get moving in other places other than the kitchen. I now know that I need to push myself. Bikram is a good way to go. I want to be lean and fit and flexible. So Yoga is a good way to go.

I ate cookies today:(

I am sad to have to admit that I ate cookies today. I went to the store and told myself that I wasn't going to buy cookies today and I did. I wound up telling myself I would only eat 2 and I ended up eating five more. I am disgusted. I was doing so well. I have made myself crave veggies. NO I am serious. about an hour after breakfast I started thinking about what I wanted for lunch, guestimating the caloric intake, and for the rest of the morning I could not stop thinking about the veggies in my sandwich it made my mouth water. Drooling over uncooked vegetables, now there's a new one. It was soo cool. I have also been putting Udo oil on my cereal and it actually makes me feel full. I have been eating GoLean Crunch and dribbling the oil on it. Let me tell the taste takes getting used to but the health benefits are killer. Now I'm going to retrain myself to crave berries instead of chocolate.

Another thing that I must admit is it is really hard changing my eating habits when no one else in the house is. Dave, my husband, likes meat and junk food and believes he needs to eat that crap to stay at a healthy weight. He is keeping his weight stable but he is far from healthy. He works hard all day and doesn't really eat until he gets home. It breaks my heart. I make him lunch almost everyday. It has been helping the problem is he insist on eating a fattening dinner. He grombles when I vegetarianize it, and he grumps when I say i won't buy him junk food. He has a job he can buy it. Every once in a while he acts really supportive other times he isn't very convincing.

Oh well it isn't a fight without opposition. My team just needs cannons full of love and gratitude and tanks full of will-power.

On a happy note I went down the tube slide at the park with my son yesterday. I usually tell myself that I can't do that because I am too heavy or thick and don't want the imbarassment. Those are imbarrassing thoughts. And it is imbarassing when your 2 year old tumbles down the slide because i wasn't with him. I'd rather be thought of as a fun loving, kick ass chunky mom than a fat ass bad mother. It was the best time at the park. I will never listen to inner critic again. I am going to do things becuase I want to reguardless of my weight. You have got to think thin to be thin.

my motivational reasons

motivation
#1- be healthier
#2- To keep up with my energetic little boy.
#3-get stronger.
#4- live longer
#5-fight depression
#6-skinny clothes are cheaper
#7- smaller bras are cuter
#8-skinny jeans
#9- look good tank tops
#10-look as gorgeous outside as I feel inside.

Yesterday

Activity-
40 min. cardio and 30 min ab work with my son. I hate doing crunches but if I can get my son to laugh while doing them it makes them bearable.

eating-
So I ate like I usually do to see exactly when I eat and what I eat. I was munching on bad food. most of the time. So from now on if I am going to put something in my mouth between meals it is going to be gum.